Spitzer sputters, Limbaugh stutters and...a tub of butter?

So Gov. Spitzer couldn’t keep his hands out of the honey pot could he?

Why is it that the most overzealous politicos always seem to have a closeted habit for the very thing they so publicly scorn? Richard Nixon hated the hell out of the “authoritarian” regime in red China, but was so green on the inside he jimmied his way into DNC headquarters. And he was in the lead by double digits at the time! I don’t know if that makes him more insecure or a hypocrite. Maybe he’s just an insecure hippo.

And do you remember Rush Limbaugh? Whenever that bumpkin-bigot wasn’t railing against minorities or gays or Harry Potter, it seemed like he was focusing his self-important wrath on people who take drugs. Here’s a gem:

"There's nothing good about drug use. We know it. Drug use destroys societies. And the laws [against drug use] are good because we know what happens to people in societies and neighborhoods which become consumed by them. And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up.” (The Rush Limbaugh Show, Oct. 5, 1995)

Of course, it turns out ol’ Limbo was addicted to Oxycontin. Some reports had his habit at upwards of 30 pills a day. 30 pills? Was he in perpetual labor? That’s enough hillbilly heroin to make Liza Minelli scoff. Cool it, honey baby. Save some for the cabaret!

Then it’s no surprise that Spitzer—for years a staunch enemy of prostitution—had been busy spending over $40,000 of tax payer’s money getting busy with high-end (no pun intended) professionals. You see that stuff smeared all over the former governor’s face? That’s called egg. (No comment on what might be on Kristen’s face.)

The high-rising Spitzer (I got to stop with all the innuendo) had been touted as one of the top Democrats in the country before Client 9 decided to rent out room 871, choking his career limp (now I’m just forcing it).

So that means his resignation Wednesday probably affected the 2016 presidential election more than the upcoming one. But tremors from hooker-Gate might be felt this year. If prospective balloteers needed a reason to be turned off by politics, this could definitely keep some skittish voters away from the polls.

The youth vote should be unaffected by all this. Most of the buzz around campus has been about how much more attractive (if not more trashy by association) 3-Diamond Kristen is compared to Monica Lewinsky. Others have debated what they would feel entitled to for $1,500 an hour (My favorite scenario involved Sock-em Boppers, the back of a Volkswagen and Abraham Lincoln.)

Nobody under the age of 30 has felt disillusioned by the political process. We’re pretty much used to this stuff by now.

But with Bulldog Clinton quickly catching up with O-bama-slama, who knows how much this will affect the delicate balance of the democratic race.

Speaking of delicate balance, did you hear the one with Gov. Spitzer, a prostitute, a tub of butter, a showerhead, and a tea cozy? Neither have I.