Heeeeeeeere's Johnny!

Throughout history, the most powerful have always supplemented their might by giving something back to the huddled masses that, frankly, had no say in their government. Not that they ever had to, but in one way or another, the big guy (or girl) usually found time to give a lil' sum'n sum'n to the little guy.

Marie Antoinette gave her people cake. She didn't know any better, but most French folks are brownie kinds of people, so they ended up cutting off her head for the inconvenience. But it's the thought that counts.

Historians say that Cleopatra fellated her entire army when they returned from a successful campaign. Now, I don't know a lot of guys who are into sloppy 50,000ths but again, it's the thought that counts.

It's just human nature to want to be thought of by other people and the same goes for civilians and their leaders today. We're just apathetic anyway until something goes wrong, so we might as well get some treats along the way, right?

In the end, it's all about knocking the powerful off their perches every now and then. We want to see that even they, with their yachts and jets and islands, still like to do the simple things their predecessors once did, like eat cake and brownies and...well, you know what I'm talking about. We like to think that they are just like us.

The same goes for politicians today, especially for those in the middle of a presidential campaign. Hillary Clinton posed with Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa at a King Taco franchise (Hey, I eat tacos!) when she visited Los Angeles. And Barack Obama appeared on Monday Night Football (Hey, I watch football!) a few months back to make a special "announcement".



To quote John Madden: Oi, what a punim!

Speaking of men who know yiddish, John McCain has really took this "I'm just like you only more powerful" thing and ran with it.

For as cheesy and pretentious as his recent Service to America biography tour has been, it is a brilliant stroke of campaign genius. (It's got Karl Rove written all over it, doesn't it?)

When I word associate John McCain, I think of things like prune juice, jazzy chairs, dinosaurs, guys who try to return half-eaten boxes of cereal to the grocery store, things like that.

But it never occurred to me that he was ever in high school until this week.

Having him hit up all the places of his youth—the naval academy in Annapolis, his old high school, the hangar where he first touched American soil after returning from a Viet Cong POW camp—has gotten him in touch with young, prospective voters better than any taco or hat could ever do.

Not that the tour has gone completely without hiccups. CNN reported that when a student at Episcopal High School in Alexandria—McCain's alma mater—asked him what his appearance was about if not political (which McCain has maintained throughout the tour), the grumpy nominee-elect snapped, "I knew I should have cut this thing off. This meeting is over."

But as Obama and Clinton dirty each other with insults and innuendo, it's easy to see how beneficial this bio tour has been for McCain.

It gives him a chance to tell his stories without accusations of editorial and affords him many opportunities to flash that magnanimous, poo-punting grin that has become a trademark for so many powerful Republican politicians; see Bush, George W. (Check out McCain's smile at :58 to see what I mean)



It could be argued that McCain is the favorite right now, although that is taking into account that there is no Democratic nominee at the moment.

How will Obama and Clinton regain national face time?

Well, there's always baseball season for Barack (I got the Cubs winning the Central this year. So should he.)

As far as Hillary is concerned...well...she could always learn a thing or two from Cleopatra.


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